I come from the water

 

Photo by Silas Baisch on Unsplash

Are you a bad person?

That's a thought based on both anxiety and confusion. You have the natural ability for transpositional thinking, which is the empathic ability to place yourself in someone else's shoes. This ability can be twisted by confusion and anxiety to create a subjective simulation of how the objective world sees you. 

You hide the shadow self behind a mask in order to fit in. You have social expectations to balance with. You want to be seen as good, but being seen as good is not the same as actually being good. Nor is seeming bad the same as actually being bad.

You may seem bad, but are actually good. You may seem good, but are actually bad. When I use the word "actually" I'm talking about the objective world which is the shared reality people live in with each other. 

You wear a mask to hide what you subjectively consider bad, but if you bring objective value to the world, what's behind the mask doesn't matter. What causes problems is letting the shadow self define you to the point where you evoke it into the objective world to become a negative force decaying society. There are people who consider themselves good, that decay society by what they bring to the table. 

Shadow work is about understanding, without ego, objectively, what it is that you bring to the table in society, and what it does for society. Is it productive or destructive? 

How you think of yourself exists in the subjective world, and that world is a sandbox for you to figure out these kinds of problems.

As Robert Greene would say, Good People don't advertise goodness. Advertising goodness is a power game. This post isn't goodness. Its a way for me to show off my writing skill as a matter of ego, and getting others to see me as an idealistic person. That's a power game. If I were truly idealistic, I would be helping the objective world anonymously. I would give donations anonymously, and not brag about it. Just my own subjective feeling of "I helped it grow" is enough reward for a good action.

If you fixate on how the world sees you long enough, you will join the Media. The Media is not good, for reasons I just outlined. They are in the business of leveraging human shadow aspects to drive production of the monetization and distribution of words, video, and audio. As CGP Grey would say, Anger is the best way to do that. It spreads like no other emotion. It gets past your defences and compels you to share it like a virus. I take media as comfort food, not instruction. If I want to figure things out for myself, I have to consume all media with a grain of salt and take time to make up my own mind about what my values are.

So, I would prefer that you not take my words as rote instruction. However, whether you do so or not is up to you. You are an autonomous entity, and you can make up your own mind.  If you want to let others give you instructions, that's fine too. Sometimes you need to stay quiet, listen, and absorb to learn. Sometimes, it's just the opposite, and you need to assert your personal values. The situation will dictate this, and living in the objective world means expending energy to read the room and judge what your behaviour should be moment to moment. 

This represents fluidity and versatility. Bruce Lee would tell you to be like Water. This is what he means by that. When you enter into a conversation, use active listening skills to read the room. You aren't waiting to speak to project your narrative. You are figuring out what the conversation is about and seeing where you can help drive the narrative into a more positive and productive direction. You take turns speaking. You wait for natural pauses. There is a rhythm and flow to group conversations, like it would be in a chorus. You are not an influence upon a group. You are a harmonious part of the machine of the group, as least for as long as the group is having their meeting. That feeling of unity is rare and fleeting. It is an experience. Enjoy it for what it is, while it lasts, like a delicious piece of chicken.